Obscure Army

I don't know who you are. I don't know want you want. If you are looking for a place to make fun of people, I can tell you that this isn’t that place. What I do have are a particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you join our army now, that will be the end of it. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will make you join.

Rules (Jeez. We aren’t animals)
1)No spam, it’s annoying 
2)Self promotion is not allowed unless you have been given permission by me. And if I give it to you, I will shout you out 
3)BULLYING IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED 
4)No swearing (not that you even really can)
5)No begging people do do stuff
6) Worship lemons
7) Rocket launchers are off limits... considering that we don't have any 

You get three strikes with these rules. And if you fail to learn your lesson, you will be temporarily sent to the ranch. If you continue though, you will be exiled.